hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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