i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
