took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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