I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
