His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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