I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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