the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
