Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
