there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
