I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
