I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
