Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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