dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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