I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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