What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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