she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Mom said you looked used
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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