i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
