i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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