oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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