I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
