saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
