Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
