the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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