I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
