the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
