So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize