the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
