He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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