I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
