Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
