Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
