boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
