Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
