so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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