member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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