Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
