maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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