I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
