Sry I called you an 8
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
