I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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