I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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