she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
