I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
