I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
