Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
