Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize