good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
