She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
