So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
