ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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