I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize