it wasn't lemon gatorade
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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