Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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