Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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