i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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