The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
