you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
