dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
