I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
