nut hugger
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
