it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
