Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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