I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
