im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A+ Viking dick
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
