i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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