I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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