It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it's like iHOP with fire
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
