Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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