dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
