Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All I want is dick and wine.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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