mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
