His pubic hair was longer than his dick
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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