Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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