Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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