Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
