How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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