Dual....:-)
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize