i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
