dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
