I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
