put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
