Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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