I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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