kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
