It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
