Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize