This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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