lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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