My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
