I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
