I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
