where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
