Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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