Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
