I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
